That "M" Thing

WARNING: The following is not intended to frighten young single ladies. This is just my opinion. I’m not looking for a fight or debate. And if you’re a fanatic of weddings/matrimonial, STOP HERE.

Last April 12, 2011, our company provided us a free seminar for Personal Finance 101 with Chinkee Tan as our speaker (you can follow him at twitter). He calls himself a wealth and life coach. He was once a comedienne during 90’s I think if I’m not mistaken. He was one of the “Hawi Boys” of Randy Santiago. And he was also featured in Rated K with his rags to riches life story. The goal of the seminar is to help those who wanted to get out of their debt, budget their money and teach them the basic on how to be financially secured. I don’t mean to brag or something, but I have been reading some financial help books a long time ago so I wasn’t surprised with some of the facts, ideas and ways he presented. In fact, I’ve already started the base of my financial planning pyramid two years ago. But what really amazed me was how great he is as a speaker. He knows how to get everybody’s attention. He cracks jokes most of the time that made the whole session enjoyable. You’ll learn while you’re laughing.

But what really caught my attention was not the “finance side” of the seminar but the “relationship thing” he taught. There’s this one quote he shared that strikes me the most. He said…

“Marriage is a decision. And decision is not just based on your feelings but is based in choice and commitment.”

You choose to marry that one person you wanted to be with for the rest of your life. Therefore, you are committed to stay with him/her no matter what the future holds. Like the wedding vows, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. Until death do us part. If you aren’t ready for that commitment, then don’t get married. And as what Chinkee cited, the moment he decided to marry his wife, he chose to look to one woman only. Therefore he is committed to never take a second glance with other girls. He then jokingly said that its’ the “second look” that gets him into trouble.

Love is not enough for a marriage or a relationship to work. “Ang pag-aasawa ay hindi isang kanin na pwede mong iluwa kapag napaso ka.” Marriage is a lifetime commitment. I’ve heard those things before. But it is only now that they were starting to sink in fully.

Yes. Falling in love is a wonderful feeling. Who wouldn’t want to fall in love? Ayokong magpakaipokrita. I too, sometimes wish that I’ll be able to find my “The One” or “Mr. Right” or whatever you call it. I also hope to be with someone else just like some of my friends who are now happy with their relationship. I too, wanted to be just like every normal girl – waiting for the day that some guy will sweep them off their feet.

But then… A big, big BUT THEN:

Hearing that quote from Chinkee Tan and the everyday complaints of my already-married officemates, made me think and assess myself. And you know what I have found? THESE… I’m not fond of kids. I don’t know why but I’m always having a hard time mingling with them. I’m not patient. I’m not a morning person. I don’t know how to cook decent food. I’m scared of getting pregnant. Just thinking of the nine months agony and its labor process bothers me. I can’t see myself waking up in the middle of the night changing baby’s wet diaper or trying so hard to get him back to sleep. I’m still not satisfied with what I have achieved so far. And I still have other plans for my family (mother & brother).

Indeed… Marriage is something serious. It is a lifetime commitment. Getting married means you’re ready to forget about yourself and maybe giving up some of your usual habits (like shopping, travelling and sleeping for 10 hours straight). You always have to think of the family’s welfare first before yourself. Comfortable shelter, kid’s education, raising your kids properly, food, bills... Ugh! Never-ending list! Freaking scary!

Only now did I fully realize that I may be ready to fall in love again but I’m not yet ready to commit.

NOT NOW.

And I don’t know when…